Onto a more in-depth rundown of the event, but before I get into that, allow me to remind you of my grading scale. Stars are boring, plain and simple. Therefore, I offer something different. It’s the “Kicks to the Testicles” scale of match grading. Simply put, the grading range is 1 through 5 kicks to the testicles. The more kicks to the testicles the match or segment warrants, the better it is. Today’s lucky recipient will be Don West, a man whose work last night—if you want to call it that—more than proved he’s the worst commentator this side of Michael Cole.

Onto the show…

ULTIMATE X FOR #1 CONTENDERSHIP TO THE TNA TAG TEAM TITLES
LAX vs. Elix Skipper & Senshi of Triple X
Analysis: This match was lot better than I thought it’d be and a great choice to kick things off. All four men busted their butts and then some. Would’ve been a little more enjoyable had Triple X gotten the win, but that’s only a minor gripe and didn’t take too much away from the watchability of this match. Despite the loss, I’m hoping Triple X sticks together for a little while longer. I forgot just how good Senshi and Skipper were as a team. Last night reminded me big time.
Review: 4 Kicks to Don West’s Testicles

FIGHT FOR THE RIGHT MATCH
Analysis: To be honest, I didn’t know what to expect from this match, as they really didn’t publicize much about it before the pay-per-view, aside from the title shot at stake. Loved the “reverse battle royal” rules, as it was different from the norm and added a lot of suspense to the match. The match itself did a lot of good things. First and foremost, it kicked off what I’m hoping will be a lengthy push for Eric Young. What can I say? I just love the guy as a wrestler and a personality. He plays the kooky underdog role better than anybody else in the business right now. I’m pleased he got the win here and hope he goes far in the tournament itself. The match was also successful in doing something the WWE couldn’t do despite numerous tries. It made me care about Junior Fatu (a.k.a. Rikishi). Early on in the match, I was really rooting for the big man, who seems to have gotten his wrestling groove back.
Review: 5 Kicks to Don’s West Testicles

MATCH FOR THE TNA TAG TEAM CHAMPIONSHIP
Team Pacman (c) vs. AJ Styles & Tomko
Analysis: This match was a real mixed bag of nuts. On the plus side, Pacman Jones himself was replaced and, in the end, Styles and Tomko wound up winning the belts. However, the jury’s still out on Rasheed Lucius Consequences Creed. He seems more like a cartoon character than an actual wrestler. Another foolhardy attempt at WWE style booking, I suppose. I am pleased the belts are off Team Pacman, though, and I think the finish was brilliantly done.
Review: 3 Kicks to Don West’s Testicles

MATCH FOR THE TNA X-DIVISION CHAMPIONSHIP
“Black Machismo” Jay Lethal (c) vs. “Fallen Angel” Christopher Daniels
Analysis: Eh. I’m glad Lethal retained, but that’s all I can really say about this match. Daniels seemed to be going through the motions and I can’t say I blame him. Bookers have turned him into a joke. I wish he’d go back to the “Fallen Angel” we all know and love. I probably wouldn’t have been so unimpressed with this match had it occurred before Ultimate X, but all the action I saw there blew everything Lethal and Daniels did here straight out of the water.
Review: 2 Kicks to Don West’s Testicles

TWO OUT OF THREE TABLES MATCH
Steiner Brothers vs. Team 3D
Analysis: Wow, these four guys really proved me wrong. I was worried this was going to be a train wreck, but it wound up being a great end to the feud. Scott Steiner proved he still has it in him. That Frankensteiner was off the charts, as was the bulldog off the top rope through the table. I’m curious to see where the booking of the tag division goes from here. I wouldn’t mind seeing a feud between the Steiners and Styles & Tomko, or even a three-way scuffle for the belts with the Steiners, Styles/Tomko and LAX. Both are very intriguing possibilities.
Review: 4 Kicks to Don West’s Testicles

WITH MATT MORGAN AS SPECIAL GUEST ENFORCER
Christian Cage vs. Samoa Joe
Analysis: Solid match that was ruined by pointless overbooking. Cage and Joe worked their asses off here, but Matt Morgan’s involvement took a little of the magic out of the match for me. Yet another example of an attempt at WWE style booking gone horribly wrong. It was the theme of the evening, sadly.
Review: 3 Kicks to Don West’s Testicles

MONSTERS BALL MATCH
Raven vs. Abyss vs. “Black Reign” Dustin Rhodes vs. Rhino
Analysis: This match looked interesting on paper, but it fell short of its potential in its execution. Firstly, it was too short and we didn’t get to see all four men shine as much as we should’ve. Secondly, Rhino seemed out of place. I’m assuming he was Judas Messiah’s substitute. The finish was awesome, but that’s about it. On the plus side, though, it was good to see Raven in fighting shape again. Hope he sticks around.
Review: 2 Kicks to Don West’s Testicles

Average Match Score: 3 Kicks to Don West’s Testicles

Not bad, but nowhere near as good as No Mercy. Once TNA learns they cannot compete with the WWE on the sports entertainment front, hopefully they’ll go back to concentrating on putting on great WRESTLING matches. Until then, I’m afraid TNA will be nothing more than WWE’s inbred hick cousin. They’re the Cousin Eddie of Professional Wrestling.

Hmmm...

Does that make Dixie Carter Aunt Edna?

Until next time…

Nicholas Spears
www.myspace.com/therealnicholasspears