The CFL fan's guide to National Football League teams (and vice versa)

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The CFL fan's guide to National Football League teams (and vice versa) By GREG HARRIS, MOP Squad CFL Editor Sep 27, 2009 - 12:41:38 PM	Email this article Printer friendly page
After a shitty week in my CFL picks column with a Stampeder win as my only consolation, I'm glad that it's Sunday. I've been a die-hard NFL fan since 1998, when a coach named Mike Holmgren took over the Seattle Seahawks and turned them into playoff contenders overnight. Mike's gone now, but I still watch the Hawks on Sundays. After their worst performance in recent memory last year, I definitely took consolation in the Stamps' 2008 Grey Cup win... Anyways, I've often heard the Hamilton Tiger-Cats compared to the Pittsburgh Steelers, or the Saskatchewan Roughriders talked about as the Green Bay Packers of the CFL. With the American season just getting underway, I sat down and came up with the closest NFL doppelgangers to our Canadian teams. This should serve as a handy guide if you're wondering who to cheer for on Sunday--or if yer a Yankee who wants to keep up with the playoff races (Western and crossover) up north. EASTERN DIVISION Hamilton Tiger-Cats: Yes, they both wear black and gold and play in towns nicknamed The Steel City, but that's where the similarities between the Pittsburgh Steelers and Hamilton Tiger-Cats end. The Steelers are arguably the most successful franchise in NFL history (and yes, they "beat" Seattle in Super Bowl XL) whereas the Ti-Cats have become the loveable, laughable doormats of the CFL. NFL DOPPELGANGER - Cincinnati Bengals: Not only are the Bungles and the Tabbies named after the same type of feline, they also wallow in mediocrity on a consistent basis. The nonathletic combo of McManus to Flutie could be compared to Boomer Esaison and Chris Collinsworth, although neither Danny Mac or Darren is up in a broadcast booth--yet. Flamboyant ex-Argo Arland Bruce is the CFL's answer to Ocho Cinco, but I'm not sure who the Hamiltonian versions of Icky Woods or Akili Smith would be... Montreal Alouettes: The league's most successful franchise of the past decade. Has a history of choking in championship games. NFL DOPPELGANGER - New England Patriots: Super Bowl XLII, anybody? Granted, the Pats do have a better record in the big game, but it doesn't hurt that the Als' jerseys resemble the colours New England wore from their inception through to the Doug Flutie years... Toronto Argonauts: Big-market team that plays in a big stadium and has been known to throw big money at big-name players. Won back to back titles in the '90s, but is having trouble duplicating past successes. NFL DOPPELGANGER - Dallas Cowboys: Believe it or not, the 'Boys haven't won a playoff game since '96. While they were 2004 Grey Cup champs, the biggest difference between the Argos and Cowboys is their fan base. Dallas packs 'em into a 100,000 seat stadium in football-mad Texas, whereas the Argos really only have 30,000 fans, most of whom are season's ticket holders. Although the upper deck of the Rogers' Centre has remained closed for the Argos these past few years, they've actually been outdrawing the Jays lately... Winnipeg Blue Bombers: While they're always in the running (except this year), the Bombers have gone a long time without winning the big one, 1990 to be exact. They play in a city that doesn't make you feel warm and fuzzy, and I say this from experience as I've got relatives in the 'Peg. NFL DOPPELGANGER - Philadelphia Eagles: I mean, was anyone really surprised that Mike Vick ended up in Philly? The Bombers tried to one-up 'em by signing Pacman Jones, but the deal fell apart cuz Pac's rap sheet got him held up at the border. I've been to a couple games at Bomber Stadium, and while no one has thrown snowballs at Santa Claus, my favourite Winnipeg fan moment, from a playoff matchup a few years back, was still pretty ridiculous. B.C. was blowing out the Bombers late in the game when a drunken native stormed the field and tried to tackle Carl Kidd. The move backfired as the B.C. defence kicked the shit outta the guy, who may still be in prison as we speak. WESTERN DIVISION: B.C. Lions: Since bringing in Wally Buono as coach/GM in 2002, the CFL's lone West Coast team has been perennial contenders, and nearly unbeatable at home. That being said, they tend to come up short at playoff time... NFL DOPPELGANGER - Seattle Seahawks: As much as I hate to admit it, the Lions are the closest CFL comparison to my Hawks. Buono is arguably the CFL's Mike Holmgren, but I can't say I liked Holmgren better as Packer, if you catch my drift... Dave Dickinson also compares favourably to Matt Hasselbeck, depite never having uttered the phrase "We want the ball and we're gonna score!" (Mind you, if the 'Hawks had a backup QB like Casey Printers circa '04, theyda won more than 3 games last year...) Calgary Stampeders: The best team of the late '90s, if not the entire decade. Reached the Grey Cup final in '95, '98, '99 and 2001, winning twice. Have struggled since losing their franchise quarterback (make that quarterbacks: Flutie in '96, Garcia in '98 and Dickinson in 2000), but recently returned to prominence with the understudy of a coaching legend at the helm. NFL DOPPELGANGER - Denver Broncos: There were plenty of Broncos fans in Calgary in '98 and '99, even though their owner is an Edmontonian. The verdict is still out on whether Josh McDaniel can lead Denver back to glory, but consider this: The 2001 Stamps were 8-10 before winning three playoff games to capture the Cup. Last year's AFC West champion, San Diego, nudged out the Broncos with an 8-8 record, so ya never know... Kyle Orton's no Smilin' Hank Burris, though neither is missed by Chicago Bears fans. Edmonton Eskimos: One of the oldest, most storied franchises in league history. That being said, they're pretty far removed from their glory days. Also the only team to play on natural grass. NFL DOPPELGANGER - Chicago Bears: No longer Monsters of the Midway, to their credit the Bears were NFC champions in '07, a couple months after the Eskies won their latest Grey Cup title. It's too early to compare Jay Cutler to Ricky Ray, but Ray wasn't a very good NFL quarterback. Not that I'm implying anything... Saskatchewan Roughriders: A small-market, community-owned team whose fanbase extends beyond their hometown across the province, if not the entire country. Despite some recent tastes of success, their fan base still refers to the '60s as the glory years, when they were led by a scrappy quarterback and the league's top rushing attack. NFL DOPPELGANGER - Green Bay Packers: On game days, Lambeau Field becomes one of the biggest "cities" in Wisconsin. When you cross the border into Saskatchewan, you're greeted by a sign stating "Now Entering Riderville: Population 1 Million." And both green-clad teams have fans with questionable taste in headwear. So there you have it. I'm taking the Pats over the Bears after a hard-fought AFC title game against the upstart Denver Broncos. Meanwhile, the bottom-feeding Eagles and Cowboys will fight it out to see who gets the number one pick in the 2010 draft. Oh wait, I've got my leagues mixed up, don't I? CFL Editor Greg Harris can be reached by email at greg.harris@mopsquad.com. He secretly wonders how many beers it would take for him to wear any kind of food product--real or simulated--on his head in public. Copyright 2007 - MOP Squad Sports Top of Page