Football: CFL
Get Well Soon, Hank!
By GREG HARRIS, MOP Squad Sports CFL Editor
Sep 26, 2007 - 4:35:59 PM

I wanted to wait until the official word was out before I said anything, but since the Stamps held their press conference yesterday, I'm gonna come out and say it now:

We're fucking screwed.

Sorry bout the language kids, but I ain't gonna sugar-coat it.  Without Henry Burris behind centre, the Stamps aren't gonna win any games.  It may sound strange coming from yours truly, who called on the Stampeder organization to get rid of Burris after last year's playoff collapse, and welcomed the acquisition of Akili Smith with open arms, but that's the way I see it now.

Mind you, my praise of Smith came before he even took the field for Calgary.  As it turns out, the former Cincinnati Bengals bust didn't stay in shape during his three years of selling real estate in San Diego.  And when I said that he was a definite improvement over a 42-year-old Danny McManus, I didn't realize that he looked just like Danny Mac, both in body fat and in throwing motion.  The numbers that Smith has put up in relief duty this year would even make the former Ti-Cat shudder: 12-for-26 passing with no touchdowns and five interceptions.  Even Timmy Chang, the current Hamilton third-stringer, could do better than that!  Against his own defence in practice, that is...

When Smith joined the team, many thought that he would be better than Burris, and after the Stamps got off to a rough start, I was one of the people calling on the team to put him in.  But whereas Smith's season stats are super-sucky, Burris was leading the league in touchdown passes, and was second in passing yards, going into the game against Hamilton.  He was named Player of the Month for August, and had led the Stamps to a four-game unbeaten streak, getting them right back into the thick of things in the Western Division.  But that's when, as we all know, disaster struck.

Now, I don't think the blame for last week's loss falls solely on Henry's shoulders.  After all, it's hard to hang on to the ball when you're hit hard from your blindside, and the interception he threw in the second half was one of the flukiest plays you'll ever see.  Besides, Joffrey Reynolds' two fumbles were just as costly--and completely inexcusable.  I can only hope that Reynolds hasn't come down with a reoccurring case of fumbleitis from last year's playoffs.  And then, of course, there was that chaotic last minute of the game...

First of all, I do feel that Zeke Moreno should've been penalized for a late hit, and I don't see anything wrong with the Stamps saying that, based on their research, they thought it ought to have been a penalty, too.  If Mark Cohon wants to fine me for saying so, I will gladly give him my address so he can send me the bill.  I will then proceed to wipe my ass with it, and post pictures online, for those of you who are into that kinda stuff.  Note to the commish: You're not Roger Goodell, and we don't want you emulating the No Fun League.  Oh, and by the way, having an All-Star Game for an eight-team league is pretty pointless, even more so than the Pro Bowl.

But, regardless of the missed call, the Stamps still woulda had the ball on the two-yard line, had Rob Cote gotten off the field as he was supposed to.  His illegal participation penalty cost Calgary 10 yards, and gave us the ball on the 12.  Mind you, if it was first-and-two instead of third down, the Stamps had enough time to take three cracks at the end zone, and probably woulda punched it in--providing that Reynolds didn't fumble again.

But let's not dwell on the past here.  We're not going to change the fact that Calgary lost to Hamilton in Week 13.  Now, looking into the future, the Stamps have said that Burris is out for the next two weeks, and will be week-to-week after that.  Even if he wasn't to miss more than two weeks, those two games that he's out for are against BC and Saskatchewan--the two teams we're chasing in the division.  With Akili Smith, we're looking at two losses, and losing ground in the playoff race.  Hell, the Edmonton Eskimos might even catch us, if they string a couple wins together, and then we're looking at a crossover situation, at best.  But at least we beat the Eskies three times this season.  That might be what the Stamps will hang their hats on come season's end if Smith is starting the rest of the way.

So Get Well Soon, Hank!  We need you out there!

Oh, and fuck you, Zeke Moreno.  I hope you're doomed to a lengthy career in Hamilton, where your team finishes 2-16 year after year after year.


CFL Editor Greg Harris is currently scouring the internet, looking for a way to get ahold of Eric Crouch, the Heisman-winning quarterback released by the Argos on September 6th.


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